Does a lover have rights?

This is a report of the philosophy café session on 17 March 2010.

Our question for the evening is “Does a lover have rights?” After some vigorous efforts to define “lover” in its various versions, we decided we were better off rephrasing the question. And so the question for the evening became “Does a participant of an affair have the right to expose the affair?”

We perceive two interpretations of the word “right”. The first is a “freedom to do”, as in freedom to expose the affair. There is nothing in the law to say that a participant of an affair cannot expose his or her affair. Hence, he or she has the right to expose the affair.

The second interpretation of the word “right” is in the sense of “right” as opposed to “wrong”, that is, “morally right”. This leads to a highly productive discussion.

A lover (participant of an affair) has a duty to keep silent about it. Exposing the affair is a breach of this duty. Hence, it is morally wrong for a lover to expose the affair.

Telling the truth is a morally right thing to do. Exposing the affair is an instantiation of telling the truth. Hence, it is morally right for a lover to expose the affair.

However, this so-called telling the truth may not be done out of an intention to tell the truth, but rather done out of malice eg. to get back at the partner for some perceived transgression. Acting out of malice is a morally wrong act. Hence, if a lover exposes the affair out of malice, then that is a morally wrong act.

The German philosopher Immanuel Kant says a morally right act is one that can be applied to everyone (the technical word is “universalized”) without self-contradiction. (That’s one of Kant’s definitions.) We apply this test to the question. What if every lover advertises his or her affair? Does any self-contradiction arise? We note that France is reputed to be one country where dalliances are a common and known occurrence – and French society has not fallen apart as a result of it. Our question seems to pass Kant’s test. Hence, it is morally right for a lover to expose the affair.

Showing remorse for an immoral act is a moral thing to do. Exposing an affair can be part of the act of showing remorse for having had the affair. Hence, if a lover exposes the affair out of the desire to show remorse for having had the affair, then that is a morally right act.

Having tested the question with Kant’s deontological (rule-based) ethics, we feel philosophically obliged to test the question also against Jeremy Bentham’s utilitarian (consequence-based) ethics. If the benefits of a lover exposing the affair outweigh the harms of doing so, then the act is a morally right one. If the harms of a lover exposing the affair outweigh the benefits of doing so, then the act is a morally wrong one.

There are too many situations to make this computation. It cannot be done. Yes, it can. There are two versions of utilitarianism. Act utilitarianism considers the consequences of single acts. Rule utilitarianism considers the consequences of types of acts. We can consider “a lover exposing his or her affair” as a type of act, and compute the consequences.

Well, in general, if silence is maintained and everyone else is kept in the dark, then normal life just keeps rolling along and nobody is any the worse for it. On the other hand, it the lover exposes the affair, then many people become upset and great harm may be caused. Hence, in general, maintaining silence results in more benefits over harm, and exposing the affair results in more harm over benefits. Therefore, it is morally wrong for a lover to expose the affair.

We have three arguments for “morally wrong” and three arguments for “morally right”. The only way to resolve this is to more deeply examine each argument to see if they are sound. However, the hour is late. We decide to stop the discussion here.

It has been a good discussion.

END

Philosophy cafe sessions are held on the third Wednesday of each month at Nook, 15 Chu Lin Road, Singapore, from 8-10pm. Parking and admission are free (but personal expense for food and drink), and all are welcome (just bring an enquiring mind). The next session will be on 21 April 2010. Hope to see you there.