What is marriage?

This is a report of the philosophy cafe session on 18 November 2009.

Marriage is defined as "a union of two persons who have decided to live their lives together for various reasons". This definition is not challenged. The discussion immediately shifts to the reasons for marriage.

Humans invented marriage -- to regulate procreation, lineage and inheritance; and to pass on values. All these are to keep social order. Also, the incest taboo is to prevent genetic defects in children.

Marriage is selfish, possessive and competitive. There is an urge to declare to the world: "This is my spouse." Along the same lines, marriage is invented so that beta males can have a chance to mate. Were it not for marriage, all the women would go to the alpha males. No, it also benefits the beta females, who otherwise would lose all the men to the alpha females.

Gender imbalance also plays a part. Polygamy emerges in societies where there is great gender imbalance; whereas where the genders are in rough equivalence, monogamy prevails.

But variety is also important. An US experiment with bulls and cows found that when a bull and a cow were "married", after a time the bull lost interest in mating, and the cow stopped producing milk. When the bull and cow were "divorced", they soon resumed mating interest and milk production respectively. But this need not transfer to human beings.

Marriage is about being kings and queens -- albeit of just a family. It's about acquiring power, albeit only over spouse and children. This is as a sort of consolation prize after being unable to grasp real power as real kings, queens, and other types of rulers.

One can also get married to acquire a companion for life, to cohabit (at a time when this is socially disapproved if done outside marriage), to make parents happy, to grow up, to have someone see you grow up.

The definitive question to be answered is: what specifically does marriage produce, that otherwise cannot be produced?

In the old days, these were permission to have sex, and to produce children. But today, these are no longer exclusive to marriage. Sex between unmarried consenting adults is acceptable, as is single parenthood.

In closing, we conclude that marriage is a man-made construct, with no intrinsic value or function.


The next philosophy cafe session will be held on 16 December 2009. Place and time: Nook, 15 Chu Lin Road, 8-10pm. Admission is free, with personal expense for food and drink. All are welcome. No prior knowledge of philosophy is required. Just bring along curiosity and a rational mind (this is more difficult to achieve than you may imagine).